Learning things the hard way
by KissMyAnthea
Summary: Fun little short story about Nero eating Kyrie's chocolate. T.O.M. can make women do crazy things and Dante just lets it happen. This kinda became a little collage of funny situations.
1. Crazy Kyrie

**Fun little short story on why you don't eat a woman on their periods chocolate. Men take notes please.**

 **This popped up in my head because I was reading an article about female serial killers and who doesn't love a crazy Kyrie?**

 **Capcom's characters. If they were mine, Kyrie would have died the same time Santus was killed.**

* * *

This had to be _the_ top most grotesque fight Dante had ever witnessed to take place in his entire life. That sweet girl, what was her name again? Katy? Kylie? Kyrie was ripping the kid a new one. Her hands drenched in Nero's blood and the kids chest torn to shreds by the knife the not so angelic girl held in her hand. Each time the skin began to knit itself back together the pre-bloody blade would rip apart the section that was healing. That was pretty scary to watch. Dante did not have the guts to go and stop the girl from preforming such vile acts to Nero. Sure, he could easily pin her down and talk sense into her; she was just a human, but a human that could make the whole town against him in a blink of an eye. Girls like that should not be messed with.

Kyrie's silk dress was stain in blood due to her violent actions towards her friend, or per-say boyfriend. Clearly he was no longer considered as such. Wiping her hands on the dress, she cleaned her basic kitchen knife as well. The knife was set down on the counter next to a bottle of pure rubbing alcohol which she picked up right after. The other hand pulling needle and thread from the table as she passed. Her eyes wore a dead look and her cold piercing eyes would make Vergil proud. Vergil, another person that would commit such acts as Kyrie did a moment ago.

The clear liquid seeped down into Nero's open wounds that for some horrendous reason would close at the speed of a normal human being. Kyrie must have known that would happen from interrupting the healing process. The liquid was like fire. It burned in ways that not even his facial expressions could show. The thin but long sewing needle with pink, yes pink; the very colour Nero hated, poked through the skin. Making neat stitches as she went; this girl made a new meaning to the word serial killer. How the hell did Nero fall in love with this girl?

"Kyrie! Please stop! This hurts!" Nero begged to her.

"Next time you should think twice about eating my chocolate when it's my time of month!" Kyrie yelled.

That had to be a law right? Dante knew that one so well thanks to Lady thinking it was okay to leave a king size bar of chocolate on his desk then walk away from it. He was spitting up bullets for weeks after that incident. Guess men got to learn it the hard way.

* * *

 **Dante just watches this happen XD He doesn't even try to help.**


	2. Pregnant Eva

**I Had to write this XD To accommodate the crazy Kyrie story.**

 **Poor Sparda.**

* * *

No amount of training or wars could help prepare the legendary dark knight for this. He and his darling wife Eva married about three months ago, not to long after their wedding Eva became pregnant. Sparda knew nothing about women and pregnancy's because he never expected to be married and ever have children, let alone a human wife. With female demons well, they never experienced what human women do. Nine months with another life inside growing till it desired to come and meet the world. Right now, books upon books, stacked up on his desk in his study. Eva told him not to worry about it so much in the early stages, that she would be normal up until the first month passes, however she was most certainly wrong.

The first two weeks passed and Sparda noticed some pretty unusual behaviours. One, throwing up her stomach at night and in the morning; two, having the desire to eat the most strange of foods, crying over the littlest things and well the list goes on. Like now, Eva demanded a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Sparda had never heard of such place before and he was pretty sure that it was 1 am. Eva would have to wait for her craving till 7 when normal humans wake up. That where his mistakes happened.

Eva swore that she was not going to bed until she had her doughnuts. She was so motivated to actually get out of bed, fix her hair, take the keys to the car and drive there herself with or without Sparda. Her husband stopped her from leaving out the door without him, heavily insisting that she wait till later in the day. Eva was not taking no as an answer and he needed to understand that. She threw the keys in his hand, stalking off to an object on the wall. His face was full of fear. She grabbed his sword with the little half demon child she carried the blade responded to her. His own blade pointed at him by his drop dead beautiful wife.

"Listen here and listen well. Buy me my craving or this blade will be shoved up so far up your ass that the whole demon race will have to get it out," Eva threatened. He forgot to add her vulgar language to his list.

"My dear it is far to," He started but was cut off by his blade swishing, causing a gust of wind.

"My dear my ass Sparda get the food or you will be castrated," Eva threatened again.

Sparda winced and quietly made his way out the door with the car keys in hand. Just as he was about to close the door he had opened it back up to ask his wife a very important question.

"My dear where is this Krispy Kream?" Sparda asked a little afraid of the possible answer.

"Down the street; make two lefts then a right." She answered still holding Alastor.

Sparda closed the door and held the keys tightly in his hand. _'I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife'_ he repeated.

* * *

 **Yeah so a little AU(A LOT AU) It's fun pushing characters out of there comfort zone! Anyway I hopped you all enjoyed this.**


End file.
